Learning Trade Forex

-8 pips

Today wasn't really a situation for me to trade but I didn't trade for a long time and I wanted to start even for experimenting purposes.


I want to limit myself in a effective way. Previous problem of averaging that was my number one problem is solved by using whole margin. So averaging went away. If for some reason I start again to have more money in account than it's necessary for position averaging would be back in no time.
So I made few changes to address current problems. Changes that I can follow and not deviate. First of all I wanted to cut my exposure to market when I'm heat up. So I decided to allow myself only five trades a day. Previously I had experiment with one trade a day that wasn't success. With five trades I can trade but I'm omitted in doing twenty or more trades when I have a bad day. For some reason I believe that I can follow that rule even I couldn't follow rule of having max loss of -25 pips which was basically designed to do the same.

Second thing I'm lowering my take profit level to maximum of +15 pips. I'm not allowed to earn more on any trade then that. Why I chose to do it? Firstly when I have theoretically unlimited potential on any trade I'm prone to fantasize about big profits, that leads to big emotions, greed and who knows what. I abandon efficient scalping and drift in some dream land, then I do it in losing trades also. So I move stops because I can afford to lose -20 pips because of big profits that are awaiting around the corner, off course just in my mind. If big profits are impossible it would be much harder in my mind to justify big losing trades when they are in the making.

Third thing that I changed is nice little feature that Oanda allows me. That is I changed position sizing from fix round number to 99% of margin available. With that I address an issue that I have with changing size, it allays affect me in negative way. Now on my every trade size is different, so I hope I will detach from number of units that I trade.


My idea of where I want to be with my trading is in doing few good scalps in a day when I trade and nothing more. I want it to be stable and uniform, without oscillations in my strategy and expectations. Taking five to ten pips in a trade and having similar stops day in and day out.
Wish me luck in sticking to my rules.

I'm still enjoying my vacation but have some spare time today to catch up on reading blogs because it's windy day.

So I read on some poker blog about problem with tilting. In poker people are considering being on tilt as a normal occurrence that is happening from time to time. They even can notice that they are on borderline to go on tilt and quit before they do some damage.
Wikipedia defines term as: "Tilt is a poker term for a state of mental confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a less than optimal strategy, usually resulting in the player becoming over-aggressive."
It's something common and can be expected. To deal with it first comes prevention. Simply avoiding situations where you are putting yourself in a position where it can easily happen. When on tilt the most important thing is to recognize it and acknowledge it. Then you have a chance to walk away.
Watching poker shows with professionals playing we can see that they are not totally immune to tilt and that it's common for them also. So simply there is no escaping to being on tilt this way or another. Only solution is to adapt to it and minimize negative effects.

This bring us to trading. I always thought that I have unacceptable characteristic for successful trading with my averaging habit. That I'll simply need to find a way to cast out that habit completely if I want to progress. But now I think different. It's probable if I continue to trade for rest of my life that averaging bug will be with me in one form or another whole time. I can adjust, minimize it but shouldn't worry to much about it like I was. It's just me being on tilt. Everyone have their own way for tilt. Black put in tens of trades in a span of one hour and 20 pips range. RCM holds big losing trades over few days as do FXpropTrader.
I just average down position after position until I use up all margin and hold several hundred pips loss because I didn't want to close -15 pips loss. Just recently DNTRader had -1000 pips day that way.
So what I'm saying tilt is fact of life in poker and obviously in trading too. It is necessary to minimize the damage with prevention of situation that can lead us to it. Also, easier said then done, we can acknowledge that we are on tilt when we recognize ourselves in that situation and pull out the plug to stop the bleeding. It is not necessary to self-pity and think that it's only me who have that awful problem that is going to ruin me. Tilt is here and it's here to stay. We can accept it as a fact and deal accordingly or bang our head on the wall.

I don't like trading one trade a day any more. I miss trading. My attitude toward individual trade is different when I know it will be only trade in a day and that's not good. On some days I'm really into trading and there are nice opportunities and I can't participate. On others I don't want to trade but I do it because I want to use that day's trade. I don't close those trades if they are bad from the start because there isn't next one.

I'm still emotional and probably it's hard for me to control but I managed to lose control completely on one of those one trade a day trades so I didn't really gain a thing in risk management. So I will probably end this experiment. It's not bad, but it's not great either.

I will probably go ahead with cutting my size so maybe stress will be different because of that and I will be able to control myself. I somehow have feeling that it would be ok that way. Now I regret that I didn't cut my size before as measure of controlling height of emotions.

I was swimming laps in the pool and thinking about my trading after my terrible morning session. There is no escaping my childish ego and get rich quick wishes that drive my emotions and me with them. I can stop trading because it's obvious were this path is leading. To be honest I can't really do it any more sanely. It's really hard to do something that is against your judgment because you feel so emotional and don't have control over yourself. Do it over and over from day to day.
So I had an idea for a new plan. It has potential because my ego hates it as much it hates longer term trading. I can make only one trade a day. I start day pretty much rational and I wait for good opportunity. Before I would stop after few trades because I would lose myself after. Now I can't trust that any more to know when to stop, today is good example for it. So let's trade only trade a day. As I said my "ego" or something inside of me that is irrational and have it's own agenda doesn't like it because that plan doesn't provide me with opportunity to "get rich quick". I'm pretty much embarrassed to talk about those primitive motivation that I have and that controls my trading but if I can show all this "wonderful" trading I can show this also.

Few days ago people recommended to me that I trade more longer term. Truth is that it's too slow for spectacular results. Don't get me wrong, I don't get spectacular results this way either but I have feeling that I can. Big leverage and intraday moves could do wonders in a span of one day. Well at least it's my secret wish.
So I wrestle every day with myself and now I'm starting to lose the battle.
I don't know will I trade longer term but I know that I really like to scalp. So one trade a day will be just enough of what I can control be it a winner or a loser. I'm not positive yet will this be my plan of action from now on but I'm very close to it. My "ego" as I call it, doesn't like that idea because he losses his potential by that kind of trading. Well maybe "he" could go camp in some other area of my life because in trading I'm on the edge of quitting as things are standing now.

So, if one trade a day is all I can handle then no problem trade only that. I don't know will this dance around my emotions and my personality fail as many plans before failed but I don't have many roads left any more so it's easier to chose.

First thank you all on your comments of support.

This is my YTD performance and it drove me mad few times. Well I drove myself mad with doing mad things in the first place.
This time blow up really surprised me, I wasn't expecting something like this lately. I had very good run and without for me before usual averaging. I was only thinking how much further into positive side can I move account in two months that are left in the year.

After first blow up in the beginning of the year, three times I approached break even and then ensued new big and fast loss.

Problems with trading on positive side is something very subjective and individual to me. I believe that I had blow up because of feeling uncomfortable being on the positive side. Don't ask me why I feel that way, or I felt that way. It's up to me to clear that out however odd does it seems to feel it.

To be frank I became tired of my way of trading. You know all this averaging and running bigger risks when things don't turn my way. In few weeks since I returned I got nice results if we look at pips won. But it's majority done by such gruelling trading. The important thing is that if I trade like this I will never be able to trade bigger positions that way. Emotional pressure and stress is so big now with small positions that I could never behave that way with ten times bigger position and financial risk. I need a way to trade more relaxed with defined boundaries so I don't get stressed out. Before when I had such thoughts my main motivation was to stop losing money because I got hit to hard. Well now it's not so much about that. I want more efficient way of trading, without so much emphasis on how much I win but with strict control of my losses.
This new thoughts came when I was thinking about some money in savings account. I calculated that I get less then 4 pips a month for it in interest if I look at things in forex relation and leverage factor of ten. So I'm thinking why am I happy with this? In my much smaller forex account I think about four pips as nothing, so why couldn't I earn doing forex trading instead of interest that I get. Well, no way that I would have courage to swing this big positions with way that I trade. So I see that there is no long turn success with things how are aligned now. I should learn to trade much safer so I will be able to take my size up. With averaging and moving stops there is no way I would dare.
So let put aside orientation toward bigger gains in a week of let's say 50 pips that I had in mind last few weeks. I can have a goal of 10-20 pips a week with safer and much more controlled trading. I would probably be stopped out on many of my trades that I turn in to winners with bigger risk. But if I succeed and became profitable in quality trading that could mean much more long term. I really don't know will I be able to do it taking in consideration my past performance. But I really am eager to go for it. I really got bored of big risks and unpredictability of my reactions. So much that it seams to me that I lose interest in trading more and more with such behavior.

Today was pretty much slow day. I did trade according with tighter risk in mind, somewhere got to be first step.
+5 pips

Few interesting things to say. My first trade was a mistake, you see that I gain few pips on it but I miss clicked, I wanted to short there. Well what can I say, I didn't believe that gbp/usd will break to the new high. I usually don't believe in such situations, some contrarian bias in me. Well at least I'm not stubborn as I was years ago, so when it did brake important daily high I was in long to ride the breakout momentum. It was pretty much usual how it was moving until it broke 5100 mark. That 5100 was resistance and it wasn't so easy to go through it, but when it finally capitulate I was expecting real surge up. It didn't happen, for me that meant that it's not only figure resistance there but some real selling that is going against buyers. That's why I closed my longs. I'm trading micro time frame and I can't stay in big retracements how ever powerful underling trend is.
Other interesting thing is that now when I have won and gained some nice profit for my kind of trading I enter in a state where I don't want to lose any of it. Well then it's pretty dangerous to trade from that point. If I enter some trade and somehow it turns against me I will not exit. I will not let any of my profits. That way I could start averaging, moving stops whatever, just to keep things as they are never mind what is going on in unrealised p&l at that moment. So it doesn't matter are there some nice opportunities in the market, better for me to call it a day from a risk standpoint. It really doesn't matter how much did I earn in profit is it 5 or 25 pips, when I hit state that I'm not willing to risk just stop trading.
Gbp/usd trades were with 1/3 of size, +13 full size pips.

When things go bad good ideas came to mind. Like today, I was able to see a lot's of bad things about my trading and then thought how to tweak things to make them more optimal. When you trade good you just trade, it's harder to think about changes, there is no need. Well today I finally decided on one thing that I will easily implement. I wanted to do that years ago but I always talk myself out of it. Before when I had daily goals I was near it. My new decision is to cap my upside potential. So I will stop trading when and if I achieve 20 full size pips in a day. With this decisions I'm putting out of commission a lot's of things that make me problems and turn me away from profitability. For example if I know that is the maximum I will take in a day I can't be mad because I didn't take more. I will not have a need to capture majority of daily range or big trend and I will not have frustration if I fail to take much. I will not count on some big trends to bail me out. I will not be able to justify big risks with dreams of big profits. I believe that this decision will organize things naturally and they will fall in it's place. I will have framework and then all I do will be more or less based on it.
I feel that possibility of bigger profit and my urge for it is basis for a lot's of mistakes that I've done today and on many other similar days and situations.

Until now I've done various things in my daily trades and my results varied too much. Idea of bigger payday for me is unprofitable. Because of my psychological characteristics, being noobie and amateur it turns out like some greed quest. I never cash on it but every other time because if it I make big damage. I will not lose much with capping my profit, I'm totally happy with 20 full size pips for a day so better to bring more conservatism in my trading. I act like I'm totally in control of situation, at least my inner feeling is that, but things totally fell apart because of that pseudo security in my abilities. Better to underperform and earn less and be safe and conservative then act reckless with false assurance in my abilities. So what if I'm able to do more but I chose to do less, to whom am I proving myself? Baby steps can be enough.

I'm not talking here about a down side and capping my losses. If I'm emotionally stable enough I would do that naturally. If I'm mad and emotional I don't have control of things so any decision now doesn't mean a thing. Generally 20-30 full size pips should be the most I lose in a day.

Yesterday I had another irrational development in trading accompanied with a sizable loss. I made new plan after that, but today I realized that nothing was wrong with my previous plan. If I enter in a state off unconsciousness when I trade and do stuff against my will no plan will help me overcome this. It's more structural. So I'm from this morning in shut down mode that I had few times before. That means I'm not trading, I don't have time schedule when will I start trading or will I start trading. That doesn't mean that I don't want to trade. Deprivation of that kind is doing me good. I'm not feeding my problem with new energy and also I'm more arouse of dealing with it because I'm deprived of something that I love.

I had another of my famous blow up days. Last one was three months ago, before that in August. This is still learning that trading as a business is consisted of profitable and losing trades. On the other hand trading as a gambling is consisted of winning trades and denying of taking a loss. I could see it last couple of days and I shrug it off. For me obviously big losses are only thing when I say stop and try to learn something.

This time I'm emotionally absolutely fine. I'm little out of balance, but I don't have suicidal thoughts regarding my trading career. I really don't want to dwell on details of it. Because I know myself I don't keep so much money in account, now about three monthly checks from my day job. Yesterday shaved quarter of that. Let's say that I was on trading seminar yesterday, so I hope that I learned something and that money spent will do me good in the future.

Now I have to concentrate on taking losses. I got to learn that. It's not important how will my trading go, how unprofitable it will be. I need to integrate part of taking of a loss as my second nature. Maybe I'm trying to match up with my blogosphere friends (I don't mean only you who comment here, but everyone) too hard. Maybe I need to take my learning and progress more slowly and not expect so much from me. I'm simply trying to jump steps and that can't be done.
So now I'm pretty much positive about it all because I got direction. I can't face problems until something radical hit me. Now it is and I find calm in it.

I was trading well, no moving stops, taking stops, letting profits run for some time, scalping and I was at +43 pips. In the morning I had 7 trades, of that 2 losses.

Than later I took a half size trade, didn't want to take 10 pips profit on it. Didn't get out at b/e, I was counting that I have a room. I moved stop and it free fall. Than I realized that by mistake it wasn't half size trade but full size. I lost it in my head and went directly in panic save me mode, disaster mode. Some averaging and I finished day at -207 pips.

I don't want to put charts because it doesn't have anything with reason, my trades. Now I feel mixed. Again big loss, again averaging and all usual. On the other hand I was trading well in the morning, taking stops, waiting for good setup and all. I should feel down because I had -10% loss but I look at it that it will only take little longer to come back.

I now really want to trade with stops, I want to scalp because if anywhere I have an edge than it's in scalping. No matter will I be positive or negative, let's put that behind.
I guess this is struggle inside of me in moving away from bad discipline. It definitely isn't easy and mistakes are so costly. I don't see any sense in moving stops and averaging. I just can say to me that I forgive myself doing that today. It's pure addiction withdrawal.

I do not promise that I leaned them or anything but let's state them:

1. Market is not your mother or any other person that you can manipulate with your anger or any other way. You can't manipulate market to do what you want, so don't try it.

2. Don't trade when you notice that you are not emotionally balanced because you are not on your optimal level and results can vary. It's than like you trade some questionable setup. Setup should be good, you should be good also on mental-emotional front.

3. Don't trade what you think, but what is proved according to your thinking. Not confirmed ideas are not enough, like going into pair that is not moving or counting on b/o before it happened.

4. You got to know where is your stop before you put your trade on. Is it max -20, or -10 or some other number or condition. It's bad to think about that after the trade start.

5. If you don't treat trading as any other serious business sometimes you will get away with that attitude but sometimes penalty will be so big that your head will spin.

Good news is that I didn't average or moved stops today. That really mattered because I'm positive that loss would be much bigger if I did some averaging judging from the emotional state in which I was.

Bad news is that I had a loss and after it emotional trading that brought more losses.

Market was in the range in the morning and when there was nice spike up in eur/usd at 12:03 I went in gbp/usd long because I bet that if we have uptrend gbp will bounce strongly being so down after a gap down overnight. There was nice flag in eur/usd and I was still positive that we will have uptrend just waiting for break out.

When eur/usd started to fall at around 12:35 the gbp/usd didn't so I decided to stay long. In the end it was like failed b/o up for eur/usd and my gbp stop got hit. Well trade gone wrong way, stop hit, that's it.
Problem was that I became very angry and opened more trades because I couldn't believe that there will not be rally up. So I had some other trades, all long in downtrend and for all it's -62 pips.


Emotions. Good thing is that I was now without moving stops and averaging. I did adapt to that and opened so many trades so it's kind of averaging but technically not. My emotional state didn't change much from my big loss last month. Today I had opportunity to see it from another angle. Having stops helped me in that. I can describe it as a syndrome of angry little boy that is angry because things are not the way he wants. So he is angry on his mother and trying with anger to manipulate her in doing what he wants. Well maybe manipulation worked when I was a kid, but market is not my mom and don't give a s*it about my anger. Well that is problem with unconscious mental pattern that worked in the past and now you try it to use in absolutely unsuitable situation. It's absurd that I'm trying to manipulate market with my anger and revenge trading but I do it. I didn't learn to be wrong and go past that. I'm in denial.

After my third stop I closed eur/usd also and went to lunch. I felt anger and wanted to destroy my account, never to trade again and feel those bad emotions. That self destruction mode was on when I lost several hundred pips last month. I think that emotional pain and shake down is now in trading so big that I just want to run away from it. Well in that state you can learn and change because it's unbearable.

So trading bring from deep inside of us skeletons and ways that we deal with stress. It can be hazardous and if we don't change things that are not align with good trading there is guarantee that trading will not be successful






*Update
One more loss so total today -84 pips. I went for break down of 8000 and than there was 50 pips reversal. I didn't want to get out earlier or reverse because I'm unstable. I feel like poster boy for how not to trade.

I'm now telling myself: "I told you so". It's all easy in hindsight but sometimes swing trading understanding how things are developing are important and it's a shame not to use it. My problem is that with too many ideas sometimes it's hard to distinguish which one is worth pursuing. Also I'm so soft on scalping profits and immediate gratification that I hardly ever stay with the trade. I'm writing this post just to address that so some day I will stay with some good trades and ideas.
Today on my last trade I wanted to book a profit because until that trade I was only down or flat for the whole day. So idea of finally 13 pips was great. But after pretty much bad and random reversal looking entry I was looking for proof that that trade will work. I was close to being stopped out on that spike and was saved by 2 pips. After that it just looked to me that 4800 level is rejected and if there is no force for up market will fall. So i was with that conviction in that trade 20 more minutes but didn't want to risk my 13 pips when I had them. I always have some explanation why I exit prematurely. Today it's because I was down and flat after so many trades.
Now when I look a chart I can only regret. It's true that I'm scalper and that many times I got nothing when I try to stay but I think that is also a skill, staying. I need to develop that. I can't do it now.
I remember how it was for me impossible to trade in the direction of the trend. Some of you who are with me from the start of this blog and before can remember. I was just picking tops and bottoms, never trading in the main direction. So if I can now easily trade the trend and break out than one day staying power will also be one of my skills.

My latest thinking is that I'm totally wrong in my approach to trading. Now when I'm looking what is wrong, what need to be changed I see where is my attention. It's on the money and only on the money. I was watching some movie yesterday, one of the side characters was gambler that bet on horses. I just understand his motives. He's only thinking about a win and next win and all in terms of money. My biggest joy in trading shouldn't be how my account is now bigger for x amount of dollars than yesterday and than project it in to the future how long with current rate of return I will make millions or any other imaginary number. That's how gamblers think I believe. I never thought about myself as a gambler because I never bet in my private life, never go to casino. I'm too much risk averse and would never put 10$ on the table and spin the wheel. I just don't like probability of losing money and I'm also pretty much frugal in every aspect regarding money in my life. When I look at myself I think that gamblers aspect of me is that thinking about future big amount that I'm aiming to. I'm not in the now making whatever is my current size, but I'm thinking how would it be when it will all be ten times bigger. It's distraction and it's the force that direct my trading. When I'm approaching the stop loss level I got to move my stop because if I hit it I'm further away from my imaginary picture. I'm not thinking in that moment about what is right I just try to win on every trade. That fixation on future monetary level is so strong and integrated in myself that I don't even distinguish it. It's like my second nature. That is gamblers state of mind. He is not satisfied with himself and his situation in current moment but he thinks about how would it be. He is so strong glued to future projection in his mind that he can't live without it. His life doesn't have sense without it. All his actions are there to move him into that imaginary picture, it's so important that something banal as taking the stop or following the rules can't get in a way. Also he is so convinced that it will be achieved that no risk is too big. There is no risk in his mind because his projected picture for him is reality.

Odd thing is that in trading versus gambling with work you could change odds and put them in your favor so there is no need to gamble. Still it's so hard to trade as you would do any other job. Approach to trading should be of an painter that is painting the picture, he is not thinking when he start to paint about money, how much will he get for the picture. Problem with trading is when you tend to think about assets in your account and amounts that you win or lose as of your money. It's hard not to, but that is just inventory that you are moving around selling and buying. It fluctuate. It's not your income, it's not in your wallet. With money in your account it's ok to do things that you would not do with personal money like lose it on a stop. That is approach that people call treat it as a business, than you treat the money as inventory and not the money. I can't do it yet.

When we trade we talk about discipline and rules. It's funny that we don't think about what is that power that impel us to stray away. I believe that all action regarding changing the way how I should trade and what rules I should follow will fail in the end if I don't address that issue. I can practice taking losses, risk this amount or other, do whatever but day will come when things will just burst and damage will be done. So I'm not in the mood right now after that just happened to start again on a wrong way again. There is now sense in building a house if foundation is not in place. We all rush in our trading life and never look what approach is needed than after few years we face reality that things are not going well. Right now I got to work on foundation because I know that I will fail without it, I'm failing already. Can I transform my thinking and with it my approach to trading from get rich (quick or slow) to right one we will see.

I have more to say about today. Well, I had one week on vacation that I didn't trade at all, I liked that week. As much as I like trading and how much it's rewarding on many ways I have big negative issue in my trading. I feel big stress. I will fear and anxiety over every trade how ever small or big it may be. It's irrational and probably it's not how others feel when they trade. I didn't yet step over on that next level when you don't feel it like that.

I work in sales and know how there are many sales jobs with different levels of stress. I thought that it's normal to be stressed out on a job, that it's normal that something is hard. Now I don't think so. From my experience there can be rewarding sales jobs without stress that I felt before. So now I don't even consider jobs that I previous worked as an option. I don't need that in my life, it's like bad relationship with fighting and lot of anger. I can pass that.

So, my trading should change or there will be no trading. I just don't need to feel what I feel when I trade. I don't need that in my life. I don't want that in my life, one way or another. I can't tell you exactly why I feel like that. Am I so risk averse or can't stand losing. That is yet to be found or not. Today I fall so deep to be put out of commission, to stop trading, to stop being stressed out. Remember this is my second day after vacation and yesterday I was really close to do so big damage like today but market just reversed. It's like subconsciously I don't want to trade, i want to live without that stress.

I really don't know how can I accomplish that. Change the way I trade, time frame, position size or just the way how I think. This is definitely it. It's linked with my suppressing of losses, that's what is making all the stress.

Well, now I'm getting somewhere.

Well dear friends I had another blow up today. I lost about -20% today. Yes it's possible, it happened. I was like in March in self destructive mode, averaged a loser and that's it. I didn't pull brakes and made lower low in my account. Like before I believe that it's good. Why? Well the way that I trade doesn't work. So if this is the only way to stop doing it than be it. By that I don't think on scalping and taking small profits, trading of 10sec chart. Trading without stops doesn't work. I can go through same process 10 times again, build slowly and than lose control and lose everything build in one averaging session. I could today go out with much smaller loss, even with usual averaging that I do, but I think that I didn't want to do that. It wouldn't have an impact. Now when I don't know what to do next there is impact.

I always tell myself in similar situations that all what is needed is take a stop of max 20 pips and that's it. But with all comments from Orion, learning, I never go that extra mile. I suppress taking stops wanting to have 100% winning trading. That's ridiculous, but in few short words you can tell just that about my trading. I probably don't believe that I would be net positive with taking stops and don't want to face it if that is reality. I don't want to change methods, I don't want to follow rules. Well in the end this is result. We all hear about how 90% traders fail, well this is how it is when it's happening. I can't lean on averaging if I want t4l, so why even try to win anything with averaging and not taking stops?

Now I don't feel bad, I feel light. All that suppressing was on my chest and now when I had so big loss after suppressing all small losses that is so good. I felt that way in March also and after that I had 10 positive weeks. Well now I know that it's not a goal to be positive but to trade on proper way.

I don't know what to do next regrading trading, how to setup things. It's too early for that. I'm not in that usual quiting mode that people have when they fail big way. I got to accept that trading may never work for me and that there is no guarantee of success. That's also the thing that I suppress. I don't treat trading like a business with acceptance of the fact that it may fail. That is probably because I count on trading in my life to accomplish some goals with it. That's wrong. You can try, but you can't count and believe in guarantee. It's all irrational I know but those are the facts. Knowing that all is probably helping a little because I don't feel that I'm in a dark. On the other hand it doesn't solve things just by knowing what are the problems.

I'm tired of doing bad things, fighting. It would be easier if I could come to that all without the day like today. I feel like I write obituary. Well let it be one of bad trader. Maybe good one came out.

When it's all finished I feel puzzled why I need that big loss, why didn't I pull a brake earlier. I don't know. I can just guess like I did with this post.
If I can't trade on a proper way, for example with taking stops than it's really better not to trade at all. Just waste of money and time.

I have one interesting psychological thought on my mind lately. I watch my trading and I just realize sometimes that there is more to gain from the trade than I do. But somehow when I shot for more it's wrong move and when I don't go for it there is ten times more profit left on the table. I have theory about it all. I believe that I can't stand too much energy. Big profits are too big energy for me. I somehow can conduct certain amount of energy and more is bad for me. It's like electrical energy and carrying capacity of conductor.
If I'm in the trade that later on will go big in my way I always find the way to talk myself out of it and took smaller profit even when there is no strong reason. Maybe it's just the human nature, but maybe as my theory goes it's just too big energy to handle it out. I'm not talking about financial amount, it's just some kind of energy that is conducted or not.


I don't know much about this. Maybe it's just rambling. I think it's like the thing that many lottery winners in few years become bankrupt. Maybe it's lack of financial knowledge what to do with the winnings, maybe because it's just to much of some kind of energy for them to sustain it.
So I chose to trade small and take small winners and don't dwell about what's left on the table. If I go through my trading for last month and put t/p of let's say 100 pips on all my trades and keep the s/l level and bring it to b/e if trade worked in the beginning I would have few big runs that combined surpass my monthly winning in big way. I don't know maybe I'm just imagining things in hindsight. But I do have that feeling that too much of energy for me is just too much. So I got to work with my capacity with the knowledge that even trying to overshot it can be bad for me. So I rather add small gains one by one, day by day.

Does any one have some idea or similar experience or this is just gibberish?